I do several readings for myself at a year’s beginning. I just posted the one card that will represent myself this year, now I will get to several much shorter readings that deal with more private concerns in my life. What I love about Tarot is that there are endless possibilities to be interpreted with each shuffle of the cards. Doing a reading for myself can be challenging because it is hard to look outside of my own personal experience for information. It is doubly hard to keep myself from being overly cynical! After reviewing the following questions and answers, I realize that I have expressed a lot of insecurities this year, more so than ever. How interesting. To keep track of my impressions, I keep a handwritten journal to record them at my bedside. I like to do readings at night in the comfort of my own bed. Perhaps later this year I will have more positive questions and answers to share.
Questions: Is it too late for me to regain my health? What about recapturing my sexy side? Am I doomed to age ugly?
I asked these questions because I have been going through the first years of my body upgrading for menopause. Not only is it wrecking havoc with my emotions, but giving me a complex about my sexuality and looks. I feel more insecure than ever about my body as gravity takes a hold on several parts of my body. The Empress, however, indicates that I need to shut up about all that! She is all about fertility, creativity, sensuality, and is the queen of all queens, THE woman of all women. Her answer is it is NOT too late and that my questions are pretty much ridiculous, no matter how much I fear drying up. The Empress gives me a sign that the best is yet to come. I will be fully embracing my sensuality and exhibiting my feminine side. It is not gone.
Question: Will I be able to control my emotions better this year?
I always ask this question because I struggle with my emotions all the time and worry that it will impede my efforts to get to know people and keep friends. Strength is all about taming the wild beast. The woman riding the back of the lion is a maiden (virgin) and with the littlest of effort she is able to get him to be calm. This image is not that hard to interpret. My answer is a ‘yes’ — a clear indication that my training is going to really pay off this year. I will still be over emotional as always, but will not panic or get as upset as I have in the past. The lion becomes a pussy cat here. I see this as the way new and old friends will treat me. People genuinely miss me. I have nothing to fear or be embarrassed about. I have faced the worst. Strength indicates that I can handle anything now that is thrown at me. I’ve earned this strength. I will endure because I already have. Good.
Questions: Will I achieve awesomeness this year? Will I meet my belly dance/sword dance goal this year? Will this achievement bring me the reward, friendships, and love I desire?
Past: The Hanged Man
I had to give up or I gave up on a dream. I put the desire aside because I didn’t believe I could do it. I thought other people were better at it and I would not amount to much. I thought I was too fat. The Hanged Man sometimes puts himself in that awkward position to gain a different perspective. I had to separate myself in order to get control. More going on than just the surface meaning.
Present: The Queen of Swords
As the Swords Queen, I see past illusion, but with the butterfly crown and throne, I am nervous, on a knife’s edge. Holding a sword is symbolic of holding onto one’s thoughts like a weapon or tool. Or it could be the very obvious thing: I am longing for a sword! I want to dance with a sword. I want to use it as a thing of beauty, something to symbolize the balance I am working to achieve. My current practice of meditation and new form of therapy is engaging my thoughts and emotions in ways where they fit together. I like it. Just works for me. I am proud of it, but there are still stirrings of anger and restlessness within. I want to act more, become more involved, get less isolated, so I am carefully planning an escape from the ordinary…
As an outcome, Judgement means a resurrection, a rising up from the dead. I will shed my skin, answer a wake-up call, revive, make a bold decision, follow through, do it for me, and, by golly, impress myself. I believe that is who I am working to please more. If I can impress myself, then I will shine with confidence. I have been too long living in the dark.
Update on this outcome: This week I made a connection with a local dance troupe and will be joining the group next Wednesday. They are excited to meet me. I found out that they even have one guy member, too. Yay! I love guys who belly dance. I will write more later as things develop.
One last question (the one everyone asks, of course): What kind of love life will I have, if any, this year?
Well, what do you know? I drew the High Priestess AGAIN. In fact, she has been showing up in a lot in my nightly readings, something of an ongoing theme as of late. When I get a re-occurring card like this, I start to pay a bit more attention, especially when I have used several different decks. This time I used the Love Tarot, a deck of just the 22 Major Arcana, focusing only on romance interpretations of the cards. The imagery is mixed-media collage of details from historic paintings. The image of the High Priestess in this deck reminds me of the quaintness of early 19th century ladies — the purity of virginity and the customs of engagement, the long years of waiting, traditions of correspondence, family negotiations over arranged marriage, and how unfair it was for young women who did not have a say in who was chosen for them to marry. The High Priestess is often a virgin, a woman who is married to the Gods, whose life-long duty is to serve as a keeper of mysteries. Men do not come to her for sexual favors, nor do they consider her a romantic option. She is holy, respected, revered, to be left alone. Kisses given to her are placed upon her hand or foot, not on the lips. Men seek her for advice and spiritual comfort, they rarely take notice of her as a sexual being.
I believe my answer here is ‘no love life this year’ at least not one that is earthly. Love will come from a divine source. Or perhaps I am blind. The High Priestess can also be a cosmic lover. She may appear cold and pure, but inside she is hot. Yet who will dare discover her passions? Who knows? Maybe this High Priestess just simply is in love with the Gods? Ha! That could very well be, my friends. Perhaps I am being too jaded here. I will give it a rest. My reality right now is no one is interested in me, as far as I know, so it makes me very aloof. This card could reflect how I feel about love in general, like it is not meant for me, so I choose a life like a nun.
Later next week I will post Tarot predictions about the rest of the world. Tomorrow look forward to a new Postcard from Home. Time for me to catch some dreams… *sighs* looking forward to that.