I follow that little blue bird Twitter now, hoping the tweets I release @ValentinaWeena will sweetly sing me closer to my friends. Previously I expressed panic over Twitter because I found it to be too fast paced, perhaps a little too much and too close to people and celebrities for comfort. I feared obsession, getting addicted, or carried away by the overload of 140 character lines of instant messages describing all kinds of personal activities that would just overload me with too much emotion. Now that the mystery is gone and I’ve desensitized myself from the social network, I came to the realization what was really bothering me about Twitter. It all truly stemmed from my fear of being publicly shamed and shunned by friends who disagree with me online.
I had this happen to me not long ago, and it affected me so painfully, it almost made me turn my back on getting online ever again. The friend who suddenly fought with me, well, she’s still friends with many of my friends online, so there are always reminders of her absence and poor judgement against me. Shunning is the worst thing you can do to anyone. It does nothing but stop you in your tracks and make you question your self-worth. The friend I’m talking about told me that I would “pay” for not agreeing with her by making sure everyone would know about her opinion of me, yet many of our mutual friends were not so easily swayed by her side of the story. I never made an effort to get anyone to choose sides and just wanted to hide. In the end, I just felt awful since the whole fiasco happened online, and since she refused to communicate with me directly by phone or in person, there was no way to repair the damage, I could not defend my character, and for many months I dealt with harassing messages from people who thought they were obligated to defend my ex-friend. Some people just love to get on the bandwagon when it comes to abusing a stranger, especially when they don’t stop to check and see if whether or not they deserve it, they just want the excuse to kick someone, anyone, while they’re down to blow off steam. The worst thing about it was I had to be separated from a whole group of people I enjoyed being with. If I ever have to go through that again, I would crumple up and die!
But would I… really? Probably not. It would just make me more of a recluse. And I really don’t want that kind of life. I like being solitary, but I still need social interaction with others on and offline. To not be part of the rest of the world in some fashion is like being cut off from life. I need to be plugged-in, activated, part of community, and serve a purpose.
For too long I feel my talents and skills have gone unnoticed. I’ve lived in a dark shell nursing old wounds and complaining about how I’ve been done wrong. I hug my pillows like I would forgotten lovers, willing them to life again, but it’s just me lying to myself. There are times when having a comfort zone is healing, yet later I out grow it, I need to emerge and dance, dance, dance.
So, please, little blue bird, dear Twitter dear, sing my songs, tweet my loves to me! Because I’ve gone too long without my buddies and I really need them everyday in my life, even if it is only through those short little 140 character lines… Sing, Twitter, SING!