Taking Myself Out

After having days and nights of feeling deathly depressed, I pushed myself out into a nice day, and despite the sunshine, as usual I found myself irritated by pissy people.  Where do they find me?  So once again I am the ever patient and understanding Val, but when I got home I promised myself to cut loose. I had put off seeing EVIL DEAD long enough. I could not talk my brother into seeing it with me. It was a brother-sister tradition of our’s since grade school staying up late to watch EVIL DEAD, and there was no other person in the world I could think of I wanted to watch the reboot version with, but he was Mr. Major Disappointment.  Determined not to let him ruin my evening, I went on a mission to hunt down friends — whomever was available last-minute, sweetening the deal because it was all my treat (snacks included) — yet it was too late and nobody was free.

Then I did what I NEVER DO; I started to just ASK ANYONE who crossed my path if they wanted to come with me to see the movie. Perhaps I was too bold. Perhaps it was the choice of film. Perhaps I seemed very desperate, or my offer too much. Yet it was just as well. EVIL DEAD is the kind of movie I didn’t want to see alone, not because I was anticipating I’d be scared, but because I wanted to share the experience.

It has been years since I last saw a movie with a group of friends. I miss that shared experience.  I’m not asking for a romantic “date”, I’m most pleased with the kind of companionship I once had with the kind of friend(s) who enjoy the same tastes and see the world a little like I do.  I fear I won’t ever have this companionship again and it floods me with tears.  I love my friends for all their diversity all about me, but I’m such a weird lady, I’m afraid not very many of my people are out there. It’s why I’m not writing as often as I used to online.  Out there… they are gone.  Some of the magic drains out of me. I’m missing not just a limb, but several limbs.

I’ve been dis-membered!!!

I’m healthy and strong enough to accept being alone, however, especially when it unexpectedly becomes magical.

After no one took my offer, I put on a smile for the manager and cashier at Campus Cinema, paid my ticket, then looked around, got my popcorn, and was a little creeped out when I noticed that NO ONE BUT ME was in that theater! What kind of Friday night was this? Sure, I live in a small city, yet someone other than me’s gotta be here!  I expected someone to be playing a practical joke on me. During the feature, I kept looking over my shoulder, wondering if someone’d play a William Castle maneuver on me. Alas, not so.

My initial creepy feeling grew into absolute pleasure. To have an entire cinema to myself? After awhile a girl feels like a queen!  I could really stretch out.  I could talk to myself and not disturb anyone.  It felt like I was accompanied by ghosts.  Maybe I was.  Being there not surrounded by a crowd, I it was like I was the only woman left alive in the world, and I could pretend for the duration of the film that I was sucked into the fantasy, that, indeed, at the ending credits I’d really walk out into the end of the world and have to find my own chainsaw (or fashion my own dismemberment device) in order to go back home in one piece!

*happy dance*

To up the creep factor sever-all (get it? sever all, heh) oh, so not right points, it was positively pouring rain outside when I dared step out into the lobby.  No employees were seen.  No cars left in the parking lot.  Yet businesses across the street were open as usual.  Normalcy hit me like the rain as I ran over to the nearest video store to talk to the only other soul behind a counter as I waited for a cab ride home.

It’s not unusual for me to come home to complete darkness.  I live next to the woods after all, my place little more than a cabin paradise of an apartment building anyway, and when I turn off the lights it is so pitch black, it’s soothing, my kind of soothing, like huddling into the hollow of a tree in an uninhabited-by-humans forest.

I had no nightmares.

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